New 12-Step Program Forming for "Aquaholics"

Are you an open-water "Aquaholic"?  To find out, answer Yes or No to the following statements:

• You check the tide tables on a daily basis, even in the off-season.
• You usually know the air temperature, water temperature, wave heights, and wind direction and speed for your local beach.
• You made the above picture your screensaver.
• You have been the only one to show up for an early-morning swim, and you actually think about swimming alone even though you know it violates the #1 safety rule of open-water swimming.  
• You actually do swim alone when no one else shows up.
• You have posted at least one picture of you wearing your speedo or wetsuit on Facebook or Twitter.
• You own more than one wetsuit.
• You have taken a shower on the beach, using shampoo and/or soap.
• You want to swim farther and farther each time you swim.
• As you swim, you are mentally calculating when you will be able to get in your next open-water swim.
• You talk about "swimming to Connecticut."
• You have swum at least one long-distance event (5K/10K) and can't wait to do it again.
• Your friends are tired of hearing you talk about swimming.
• You crave salt.
• You are definitely not a morning person, but you get up at 5:00 in the morning, arrive at the beach in darkness, and swim for nearly an hour before you go to work.
• You do this more than once a week.
• Reading "The Water-Blog" or "The Water-Log" is the highlight of your day.
• You used to be afraid of the water, but now you love it when the water is really rough and you are tossed around by the waves.
• You are still swimming in the open water in October.
• You are still swimming in the open water in November.
• You are still swimming when the water temperature is less than your age.
• You are depressed at the thought of the open-water season ending.
• You have been binging on potato chips, pretzels, and salt water taffy.

If you answered Yes to five or more of the above, then you are almost certainly an open-water "aquaholic."  Fortunately, a confidential 12-step program is now available to help you and your fellow aquaholics resume a normal land-based life.  For information about meetings in your area, call 1-800-LUV-SALT, and tell the operator that you are a "Friend of Barnacle-Bill's."  An adjunct chlorine-maintenance program is also available to help get you through the long winter months.  Remember, the first step to recovery is admitting that you are powerless over saline....  See you in the Rooms...